Obscure Relationship Commentary on Twitter

May 27th, 2009 | 4 comments

I spend a good part of each day procrastinating real work by reading tweets. There I said it. A good portion of those tweets involve dramatic obscure relationship commentary. It’s officially a genre. a twenre? sorry.  But it’s a genre that’s dominated by women.  The male obscure relationship commentary is out there too, but it’s a little more detached, like we are talking about a math problem. “I find it interesting how I am more broken up over a 2+ month relationship vs divorcing after 13 years.”  Dude that’s some heavy stuff. It is technically “interesting,” but also perhaps more severe.

The women who post in this genre are more brave with disclosing  real emotions, and a little heavier on the anger side: “Hate boys and their stupid excuses!” But across all of these tweeters, one thing is consistent: obscurity. The name of the game is venting while keeping the details obscure enough not to identify anyone real to the public, and thus violate some unspoken rule of diplomacy that barely exists on the internet. The other name of the game is bravery. Because I genuinely admire people that are willing to share something personal about their life. It is brave to say “i’m devistated” since most of us don’t like to admit when things are fucked up. It takes courage to share authentically. And for some reason you see much, much less of this on Facebook. Not sure why, but there’s something about twitter that just lends itself to semi-anonymous venting. So let’s give it a whirl with a few of the big winners here, and big thanks to the outstandingly awesome Spangley and Maya Baratz and Jayzombie for their help:

 

“In tears again…. Not a good day…..”

bravery:    10   |   obscurity:  10   |    anger:  0

 

 

“HE MAD HIS CHOICE AND IT WASNT ME SO HEARTBROKEN LOVE SUCKS”

bravery: 5 | obscurity: 10 | anger: 7 | spelling: awesome

 

 

“I hate giving my 100% to a relationship & it doesn’t go as planned… :-( ”

bravery:    1   |   obscurity:  10   |    anger:  6

 

 

“if you ask me if i WANT to do something & i say NO you have no right be me mad! you asked, i answered. maybe not the answer you wanted…“

bravery:    1  | obscurity:  10   |    anger:  10

 

 

“I didn’t regret the day he became one of those I’ve loved along the way…“

bravery:    6   |   obscurity:  10   |    anger:  0

 

 

“I wish sunglasses actually did a good job at hiding tears.“

bravery:    1   |   obscurity:  7   |    anger:  0

 

 

“I’m crying. Tears. For the first time in nine or ten years. Fuck.“

bravery:    10   |   obscurity:  1   |    anger:  10

 

 

Please for the love of god leave any you find as a comment I *really* need more of these and there are so many.

  • Livia Labate
    Very interesting. When I see this kind of tweet I always imagine the poster looking for empathy, not as a passive-aggressive way to communicate with the other party.

    I've seen some very explicit and detailed ones (celebrating divorce papers arrival, anniversary of divorce,etc) over the years and observed other people's reactions (congratulations, etc), but can't but wonder how many feel uncomfortable reading such a tweet and therefore say nothing.
  • Great post.

    Sometimes you say/write things that (1) show a great deal of good will towards humanity (2) make me see familiar things in a new light.

    So thanks for that!
  • You unearthed the old post, so I can comment on it.

    I'm with Buzz on this. I think it has a LOT to do with passively strike out at the "offending" party. My favorite of these was actually aimed at me. Something along the lines of "Low maintenance doesn't equate to no maintenance..."
  • There is an element of authenticity and transparency to all of this, sure, but I have to wonder if there's a more subtle, less innocent motive behind a lot of these: the desire to shame the offending party in a public yet passive way. I have to imagine that in a lot of cases the subject of such tweets is also their primary intended audience, and the other receivers are merely witnesses. It's a passive, non-confrontational way of calling someone out, and a way of exercising some social control in a situation where people feel powerless.

    Not to discount the possibility that people are just venting, of course. But I think at least subconsciously there's more going on there than just raw emotions and sharing.
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